You’re not watching a real news channel or programme if:

its anchors use phrases like ‘bad guys’, ‘heroes’, ‘takedown’, and ‘Michelle Obama’

interview questions contain words like ‘disgusting’ and ‘ashamed’ and ‘wacko’

You’re not watching a real news channel or programme if:

its competitors all lead with the same stories at the top of the hour

you are watching more stories about shopping than stories about war

you are thinking more about ploughing the hottie reading the teleprompter than evaluating the words coming out of her mouth

there is a 5 page article in Vanity Fair about the personal life of said hottie that reads the teleprompter

Business News graphic headlines like : “Economy Booms at Expense of Job Losses” are displayed onscreen without a trace of irony

You’re definitely not watching a real news programme or channel if:

after years of watching it, you still don’t know

whether Palestine occupies Israel or whether Israel occupies Palestine

that the majority of semitic folk speak Arabic
or that the bible evolves

You’re not watching a real news channel if :

you never learn why the purchasing power (adjusted for inflation) of the typical Western family been falling for many years, and that most people experience no significant upward mobility while their lives continuously grow more expensive.

you’re not if its reported that the largest companies in the world are cutting staff and downsizing
(and that you still can’t admit to yourself that something weird is going on)

Its not a real news channel or show if :

the only protests that you see being reported on, occur in Iran.

Your news channel or programme has utterly failed you if:

it can’t explain to you what a hedge fund is

the channel or show continously refers to a small rich bunch of white male bankers as the ‘international community’.

Your news channel or programme is practically guilty of war crimes if:

it still can’t explain why American soldiers have been fighting and dying in Iraq since 2003

it can broadcast itself to the planet for years without ever mentioning the phrases like :

‘Arms Industry’, ‘Zionist Power Configuration’, or ‘That Tiny Little Hole In The Side Of The Pentagon’.

its anchors ruthlessly (and perhaps very anti-semitically) choose to ignore the very real danger to Israel resulting from Depleted Uranium Munitions Particles dispersed in nearby Iraq.

Some valuable advice [not originally mine, but personally endorsed and repeated again here] to mainstream political journalists:

If you love covering horse races, transfer to the sports pages.

If you want to cover only celebrities, switch to the gossip pages.

If you’re obsessed with how public figures look or dress, try the fashion pages.

If you are only a tabloid journalist (i.e. not a real journalist, but instead more of an ad salesman)

… then you may want to try looking in the mirror everynight before bed (but no promises there).

Sleep tight,

Sx