Friday. Another loopy week in the world headlines is over. Here’s some light relief via the Babylon Bee!
Trump indicted for keeping classified documents at Mar-A-Lago instead of somewhere secure – like the trunk of a Corvette
Former President Donald Trump has officially been indicted by the federal government on seven counts of not storing highly classified documents in his garage behind a corvette.
“Mr. Trump had these documents securely stored in a closet instead of strewn about the garage. Straight to jail,” said Merrick Garland. “Trump’s failure to haphazardly toss Top Secret documents behind a car is nothing short of treasonous.”
For his part, Mr. Trump has denied all wrongdoing. “I hide all my classified documents behind the best, most beautiful cars at Mar-A-Lago,” said Mr. Trump. “Corvettes are for the poors. Do I look like a poor? Ha! I would never put Top Secret documents behind anything cheaper than a McLaren! What a rube!”
At publishing time, the DOJ announced they would also indict Trump for making a deal with Ukraine without his son receiving millions of dollars in bribes.
Biden Stored Classified Docs Alongside Corvette In Delaware Garage (freebeacon.com)
Zelensky accuses Russia of putting little nazi stickers on the helmets of all his soldiers
KYIV — Tensions flared today after Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy accused Russia of sending espionage agents into his country to place little Nazi stickers on all his soldiers’ helmets.
“The fact that my entire army is wearing Nazi insignias on their uniforms and gear is entirely the fault of Russia,” said Zelenskyy while desperately scraping an “I love Hitler” sticker off the side of a tank. “This is an unforgivable provocation. I hereby call on the United States to drop all their atomic bombs on Russia immediately.”
Sources say Russia is also responsible for tricking Ukrainian soldiers into goose-stepping, saying “Heil Hitler,” and calling for the death of inferior races while waving flags with swastikas on them. “Russia has tricked thousands of innocent Ukrainians into becoming Nazis,” said MSNBC Foreign Correspondent Oleksandr Petrovich. “Does their evil know no bounds? They must be stopped!”
Zelensky went on to assure the West that Ukrainian soldiers are totally the good guys and that everyone should unquestioningly be on their side. “I promise, we aren’t Nazis!” he said while peeling a Totenkopf death’s head off a rocket launcher.
At publishing time, tensions had escalated further when several soldiers were seen wearing “Biden/Harris” stickers.
SOURCE: https://babylonbee.com/
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