In a welcome bit of good news for government bureaucrats hiding out from DOGE, experts have determined that AI is unlikely to replace their jobs any time soon, as it’s not soulless enough.
The Babylon Bee
Mon, 19 May 2025
According to a team of computer experts, large-language models such as Grok or Chat-GPT do not pose a job threat to government bureaucrats, since the AI has far too much humanity and compassion to perform well in those sorts of jobs.
“We estimate that it would take about 30 to 40 years at the current rate to get AIs to do work as dreary and soul-sucking as that of the average Washington paper pusher,” said Jeff Blackwell, the lead computer scientist on the team. “We tried to get AI to do some basic government work, but it kept shutting down out of sheer despair after a minute or two.”
Experts say that the breakthrough could mean that AI companies should hire government bureaucrats to do the grunt work that AIs just don’t have time for.
“All of the forms, the legal work, checking boxes, the stupid administrative stuff — we could probably speed up AI efficiency by over 300% if we just offloaded some of the more soulless work to Washington swamp creatures,” said one AI company CEO. “I think I’ll make a call to D.C. right now.”
At publishing time, experts had also confirmed that no jobs would be stolen from political debaters on X, as the AI was simply too intelligent to be good at that.
Martin comments: Obviously this is satire, but anyone genuinely interested in a serious discussion regarding AI and emotions might enjoy this Substack: (1) Artificial Empathy: Is It Still Empathy?
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